The Wisdom in You
You awaken yet again feeling like a
misfit. Everyone else seems to have it
so together- at least according to Facebook! The thought crosses your mind –'maybe I need help, someone to talk to?’ (Background sound in your brain of horse
chariot screeching to a halt, which now morphs into sirens wailing in your
head...then over the intercom (yes in your head!) “Warning…Warning…Warning!”
And I grab my bling pen and my trusty
journal and I write.
Can
I tell you about my experiences with life coaches? #lifecoachesarescary. Believe it or not, I am actually an
accredited life coach after taking my 10 day quickie-coach course. Yup-
apparently I am qualified! Let me begin
by this. I’ve never seen a more dubious
form of helping others- dubious in the fact that most self-proclaimed life
coaches have no more training than I. I
spent ten days (and $1400.00) on a ridiculous telephone course, which a life-coach
put together. Granted she was no dummy! Her claim to fame was dating a famous Hay
House author thirty years her senior and granted, I would have dated him
too! But he’s gone now, may he rest in
peace. I loved his books. They changed the way I looked at things…and
the things I looked at changed.
She was my very first life coach- let’s call her Sunny. Sunny was never sad or depressed EVER. Does this sound real to you? Cuz it did not
feel real to me. But in any case Sunny
and I would sit and talk every couple of weeks for $100 a session and the
interesting thing was she talked as much as-maybe more-than me. It was really more like 2 girlfriends
talking…where one girlfriend paid the other $100. But really, I felt more
like a fan. I was going through a bad
separation with my 8–year-old daughter in tow and man being happy looked
inviting! And to be honest her happy vibe was infectious- I did feel happy once
every couple of weeks! But looking back
I’m thinking co-dependence. I watched
and listened as she broke off with her amazing dolt-mate partner, whom while
she was with, was apparently “the most amazing guy ever!!!” Until they broke up. Then he was the “biggest jerk ever!” Everything seemed to be hot or cold with
her. Anyways eventually she told me she
was raising her rates to $150. I said
sorry I can’t afford that and she said, “don’t worry, you can owe me- I trust
you.” I could owe her? I could extend myself financially for her
happiness injection? Now it was
beginning to feel like some sort of drug pusher/addict situation. I was able to sever my Sunny addiction…moving
on.
Next I met another ‘life coach’, this one even scarier. She was beautiful. And she was attracting many clients because
her confidence and her physical appearance made her seem larger than life. She did retreats- so I went to several. I too
was smitten. I’m not gay but my mother was a stunning-looking woman and some
how I’ve always been drawn to the beautiful people, even though I somehow know
that what’s on the inside often does not match what’s on the
outside. Well this gorgeous creature
invited me to be on her team of coaches! What me?? OMG.
Then every time I tried to be in touch with her- she told me she was way
to important to deal with my questions, like- "what exactly is my job? When do I get paid?" and to deal with her assistant. I knew something was rotten in Denmark and I
called her on it. Boom! Assistant fired
me from literally, a dream job. MY head was now more screwed
up from these two people than it was before I met either of them. I was on a path- but uncertain where it
was leading.
Still doubting my self, and feeling needy as ever for insight, I met an
old acquaintance/ friend (We had met briefly at a Jewish Study group) who was
training to be a life coach. I’m not sure how you become accredited this field
(except for a 10 day quickie course) but she was taking course in Gestalt. I’m sure that made her more accomplished and
life-coach savvy than I. I was
teaching an art camp for adults and she came to one of my creative weeks. She loved
painting and I still felt I needed help, but really, looking back, I think I
wanted to be friends with this popular and seemingly super wise woman- so we
did an exchange. I would give her a place
to paint and she would be my place for needy dependence. Seemed like a good deal, right?
Well at first it worked out wonderfully. Let’s call her Coach Flower. Flower was like an aging hippy with long
flowing golden hair, cool hippy clothing and a motherly kindness blended with
the over-confidence of a very entitled upbringing. I was attracted to all of this! While I may have had an upper middle class
childhood, my family was like a house of crazy adult children raising confused children
children- confused because there were no real adults around. It wasn’t their fault. They came from a
generation where you did what society expected of you. You got married before
25 and immediately had children- with zero parenting experience- and their
parents did not know how to be parents either but I digress off the path of
this story. Everyone is doing the best they can-my go-to explanation.
So
coach Flower had things I wanted. She
had beauty. She had confidence. She had a family who supported her and
children who loved her. She had a
swimming pool and a very successful partner. All surface things that I believed
made her someone I could learn from. I
mean she manifested my dream life- maybe she could help me manifest it
right? Wrong.
Flower was all about the truth...”let’s talk about your truth. Is that True?
Tell me what’s true…” The problem was she was not exactly living in her
own truth, more of an illusion of truth.
Let me give you a few examples. Flower could not live without her
anti-depressants. Here I was trying to
create a raw life being myself- an over-emotional creative hot mess and she was
cheating. She was afraid to be all of
herself- so she kept it under control- so she could be who every one else
wanted her to be. I’m trying to learn to
accept and love myself with someone who is faking same. More clues began to appear before me in the
way of how I felt.
I’ve never totally trusted the way I feel because I am so highly
sensitive and people in my family have always told me- I’m too sensitive- so
maybe these feeling and hunches…maybe I’d best ignore them, and I did.
On
the one hand, coach Flower invited me to swim in her pool and we had these
talks that made me feel connected to God- there it is again, that drug-like
feeling of connection. A few moments
where nothing was wrong and I was in the womb of her warmth. But stuff was happening that I really felt
was uncool. She would ask me to help her
with her web site…and then ask someone else to help her (she knew and respected more) and
use their work. She began taking a painting course with
another woman. Now I know maybe I sound
like a weird possessive girlfriend or something- but what bothered me was she
was hiding this from me initially. I
understood her desire to explore her creative side, but imagine I began seeing
another life coach…just to explore the different facets of my screwed up head-
and did not tell her…in retrospect maybe it’s something I should have
considered. Anyways she did this
gorgeous painting, which was nothing like anything she painted with me. She admitted that this woman ‘guided’ her. She hung the painting over her fire place
in her living room. Her family loved
this painting and she claimed it was hers.
This was not entirely true. There
is no way she could paint this on her own.
I know because I watched her paint every other week. She struggled. And the struggle was good- it kept her humble. She was willing to lie to enhance how other’s
saw her.
Here’s my truth. Through all of this I saw my need to be
someone other than myself. I saw myself
willing to compromise my feelings to be connected to others. I’m saw an addictive quality- to a type of
connection that was unhealthy. I’m saw
my lack of love and acceptance of myself- this crazy courageous and creative
soul. And this was really worth looking at. And this was my work. It would be impossible
to do this with any one else, as I felt I would immediately go down the
co-dependent road again.
But here’s what I really want to say to you. Don’t be fooled by the outside world. Don’t be seduced by the swimming pools and
overconfidence of the wealthy. Don’t
throw your baby (you) out with the bath water.
The moment you thing someone has something that you want- really check
in with yourself, because what I’m going to tell you here might be life
changing. This life you have created- it’s yours. Cherish it.
Don’t think for a second that you would like to trade it in for someone
else’s because every single person you meet has something they struggle
with. The connection you build with your
own inner life- your spirit- that is yours and it’s special and it’s right for
you. No glowing happy person, or
Flowing hippy beauty, or movie star or celebrity of any sort can help you
create your best life. They are too busy
creating their own. And your best life;
trust me- co-dependence will not help you discover it.
But
here’s what will. Be true to
yourself. Trust your feelings implicitly. Create a Journal for your feelings. Write about the darkness, be self-absorbed
and then write from a higher perspective.
Learn to be your own BEST
friend. Don’t be seduced by the golden
calf, and by that I mean don’t for a second believe that your happiness will
grow with material gain. Synthesize your
happiness. Put together one part of your
past experience, add one part of your present moment experience, one part of
something you love to do and then add some nature time. The past experience will give you wisdom and
knowledge. The present moment will
awaken you. Creativity will help you
download your divine purpose and nature; well that is always a soothing
balm. Voila! A potion for feeling good! You only need one or two really good friends
who love and accept you exactly as you are.
Stop comparing yourself to others.
Putting others down to feel better can only work for about 5 seconds. If you feel jealous about something that
someone else has- figure out how you can create the essence of it in your own
life.
Let me tell you about the truth.
You will only know it when you live it- your life will feel right. And no one…no one can tell you how YOUR best
life should look.
A simple life of living and loving can be
one of the very best lives ever lived.
You know exactly what is best for you.
Now listen to and honour your self.
If you are feeling really depressed from
possible early life trauma- I do feel a good therapist is called for- but make
sure you feel 100% comfortable with your selection. Always, always- trust what you feel.
#notalifecoach
xox
Sharron
Certified Liver of Life
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