Tonight I am in a very sensitive, sad mood. I'm tired...so my vibration has dropped. It's Friday night- most people love Friday nights- me, not so much. My daughter leaves every Saturday morning to spend the weekend with her dad...and although I enjoy time with myself...I miss being with and having down time with my family. My pooch Lucky goes out the door with her...the sadness sets in on Friday evening...it's almost cellular...
Well just a quick aside..this is my blog...an artists blog, a place where I share my feelings, my thoughts...and if you just want to see my art, hop over to my site, www.sharronkatz.com
I've been facing a bullying situation with my ex as of late, very reminiscent of when we first separated. I'm smart enough to know, in my head, that people who bully really feel pretty sad deep down inside...and it's almost like they can sniff out sensitive people...and really what they want is to have them carry the sadness...and somehow we just do. During my divorce I sought out a therapist and he introduced me to the concept of the IP- Identified Person...or maybe it's patient...in any case, this therapist told me that whenever he treated someone in a hospital who had had a breakdown...he knew, that this person carried the dysfunction of the family. This concept truly intrigued me...I could see it...I knew it...but what he confirmed was that there was a 'dynamic' happening and the way for the IP to heal, was to first understand that he/she did not have to buy into the role. I see it clearly...and yet here I find myself...in this role. Accepting the threats and words of someone who is obviously very unhappy- happy people don't denigrate people-and I feel the squeeze in my own heart....like I'm carrying his unhappiness.
But wait...I have a choice...and I slip back to who I know I really am, which is this pretty positive, caring, sensitive artist. I have to really work at this..because the other place is familiar...it's a role I have taken on in the past...but I know I have to change it, form the inside out.
My work is cut out for me this weekend. I have to believe in myself...continue to love myself...and understand that I get to choose the thoughts I think.
This weekend I will paint and play my guitar and sing...I'll see friends, do some work...and I will keep reminding myself of who I am. I am imperfect, loving, playful...and very grateful most of the time. I am blessed with good friends and abundant creativity. I am resilient and resourceful. I will create something positive from this challenge.
xxooo Sharron
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