Holding Your Heart

Holding Your Hearthis has been a tough month.  First let me say, I share my feelings and mental process as deeply as I can...because I don't feel shame in my experience.  I truly believe that many of us feel alone sometimes -secretive almost, ashamed of our lower vibration. I hope in my sharing you will know you are not alone.  I think this one idea helps us to shift.  When we share, the feeling of isolation dissipates.

   






















      My father passed away -I guess it's almost been 4 weeks.  I've found my emotional state to be tender at best.  I've been easily triggered, and have been experiencing this overall lack of interest in everything- except- I come alive with my music and my painting and being in the forest with my dog.

Each of these activities affects me profoundly differently.  Painting helps me to express my deepest messages of love to myself.  Singing and writing music connects me to my playful nature and walking in the woods with my dog, seems to connect me to life.
 Each tends to my body, mind and spirit.

I've felt weighted...we all have our normal day-to day stresses, mine are single mom, teenage daughter, work slowing down, but we all learn to cope with these stresses as they are momentary- they come and go as quickly as we allow them.

   What I've been feeling is more of a low-grade sadness. I guess this is what grieving feels like.  And through my father's death...and I do miss him even as I write this, I learn more about myself and life- as is true for all our experience.

    I continue to learn how to hold my own heart- as no one can be there for us all the time, not humanly possible- everyone is managing there own stuff.  Of course I have had some beautiful friends who have helped me through some very difficult moments...but I have to hold my own heart through this day-to day ache in my heart.

     I can't seem to motivate myself to accomplish much...and then I question, what...or who is accomplishment for?  My dad was such an accomplished man.  But I never knew how he felt- except when he was angry.  He lived his life by accomplishing...and I think I want to live my life more through connecting- with myself, with my close friends, and with God.

     I'm reading Eckhart Tolle's book, A New Earth and he brings me such clarity.  So much of our accomplishment is driven by ego- our need for attention or to believe we are good enough, or even better than...it's all ego, and ego seems to be a false sense bravado- I am enough, I am good enough, I am better than...

    So I wonder, why don't we feel good enough?

Of course we can trace it back to somehow feeling unloved as a child at some time- we have all, I'm sure felt this.  And now that I'm a parent, well I can see the impossibility of being loving and giving all the time...especially when our own well is running dry.
So this is what I think.  No matter what happened to any of us, whatever out excuse is for not feeling enough, it's time to let it go.  It's time to hold our own hearts, with tender compassion.  It's time to know, we can't take money, or accomplishment with us.  In fact we only leave behind that which we give.

   I've always felt that whatever I do with my life, if I could lift a single soul in my sharing of my art, singing my songs...then that would be an amazing thing.
   If I could encourage another to live their dream, to push past fear and simply do what they love...that would be an amazing thing.

  To connect with our own heart first, to hold our own heart, to be our own parent, this is how we evolve.  To be gentle and compassionate with our own weakness to encourage our own strength, it begins with us.  And life will continue to give us experiences to help us learn who we are, and to fall in love with ourselves, just as we are.

    Growth of our spirit can only occur as we learn to gently encourage ourselves, be compassionate with ourselves and to have faith that life has a positive intent.  All experiences that we label good or bad, are really just experiences that help us feel more compassion, less judgment and more love.

   Love really is the only answer and it has to begin from within.  And yet, by contrast, we also have to widen our own perspective, to beyond the limited story we've learned to live.

    And for myself, learning to accept that not- knowing is really the place where growth begins

     Here's to growing, not knowing and learning to hold our own hearts.

     Xxoox  Sharron


Painting 24 x 36"  Acrylic on canvas